It is debateable which year was my favorite year at State. Sophomore year is in close second to Junior year. In sophomore year I was more aware of my rhythm and "in between" stress. My second year was not as light as freshman year and not as heavy as my first senior year (I went to school for 5 years - 1st and 2nd senior year). Oh I remember, I took my mom's advice and didnt do pep band that year (eyes rolling emogi). But at the same time, it was fun to see what it was like to be a fan and to stay out all night waiting to be awarded tickets to the UNC game. Let's just say it made me all the more grateful to be back in pep band my 2 senior years :)
I remember I spent the summer before with my very athletic cousin as I commuted to my summer internship. I started to like exercise eventhough it kicked my butt. I had a bit more confidence going into sophomore year.
It is now years later and I just was recognizing the ques of a guy that may have been interested in my and I feel so bad I was way too insecure to even recognize that it was possible that anyone would have any attraction to me. Or even how to cope with or put feelings in the appropriate places. I remember it like it was yesterday - I think I even remember what I was wearing and what he was wearing when he asked me to Band Ball (a social dance every year for marching band members). He was always a funny person making jokes - but I honestly thought he was joking so I laughed in his face. I feel even more badly that it took me a 6-12 months after that to process and feel terrible for what I did. I only say this story considering how low my self esteem was and how disconnected I was from my feelings I wish I had taken a que to go to therapy at that point. Therapy was so taboo in my family (ironic that it was only taboo to the people that needed it most) - I didn't even entertain the thought very long. Who knows maybe everything happens for a reason and in its due timing.
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