San Jose Cyberrays - Women's United Soccer Association
My middle school years were definitely filled with rebuilding. After loosing our house at the end of elementary school and moving from home to home, middle school was a bit more like an escape.
I really enjoyed going to school and being around other kids. I had actually started middle school in a different area and no one knew me. It was a fresh start for school any way. School was an escape from being in survival mode at home and rebuilding what the idea of home meant to us.
As always our parents figured out ways to make sure we always had a roof and were taken care of. We had different baby sitters and car pooled to and from school and basketball practice with some of my friends.
In middle school I continued to play saxophone, soccer and basketball. I even had a small part in A Christmas Carol and worked back stage for some of the school plays. There was not alot of room for social activities in early middle school days, but we made it.
Middle school was also a big shift for me academically. In elementary school I was a good student, but I wouldn't say I was that great. In middle school however, things seemed to come a bit easier to me. I moved up a level in my 6th grade class to the "gifted and talented" class. It seemed to be a raise and "badge of honor" to how many quarters you could get all A's. My identity tied to my grades seemed to be all I had going for me as a ticket and escape from not going homeless again. For a 12-13-year-old I was really focused. It was less about fun and games and more about how not having to move from place to place so much about looking for a place to live. Of course once you start performing on that level, everyone expects you to perform on that level, forever.
Middle school was the time I consciously chose an identity that would give me the most approval and help me feel safe and secure for the future. It may have gotten me to a scholarship later on which is what I wanted because it is all I knew that I wanted. But we all know as we get older our true selves will keep knocking at the door until we answer it.
Sometimes I wonder - I could have just gotten more sleep in middle school and not got as good of grades. What would it had led me to? Instead I chose to work from that place of shame and please everyone. I'm sure I was not aware that working from this was hiding behind shame. But in any case, working from a place of shame will never get you to the fulfilled life you're looking for.
So I kept trucking, and in 8th grade at 13-years-old I got to meet my favorite soccer player at camp!
The summers of middle school days were filled with traveling up and down the east coast to see my cousin play in the womens professional team (called WUSA - Women's United Soccer Association). I was obsession. I memorized the statistics of most of my favorite players on the team. I loved watching them play on the weekends! It was an arena that excited which kept me going to soccer camp. It was all that I could see. So it is what I thought I wanted to become. Haha...eventhough I am clearly not a professional soccer, it all worked out. It opened other doors I never saw coming.
And then High school (sigh)...well it was ride ...
Comments